Post by bucky92 on Jul 31, 2007 12:17:35 GMT -5
This was in the off topic forum of the Connecticut Subaru Crew websight...Has to be about the funniest thing ever written..If you were at the Dragon you may have heard Melis and me talking about it. I would give y'all the complete link but you have to be a member to read any and all posts there so if you want the link I will add it at the end:
Here Ya Go:
... and every moment of it I was praying for my own death. She was a friend of a friend of a friend or something ridiculous, and I found out about the situation about 4 hours prior to meeting her. That fact alone should have set off alarm bells, but like the good sport I try to be I went through with it.
Anyway, the initial phone call. She sounded kind of manly but seemed to have a sense of humor. That's good, because as you all know all I really do is joke around haha. She tells me to just keep an eye out for a red truck, that'll be her. Ok fine. So I'm sitting in the parking lot playing Tetris on my phone entertaining myself like a little kid, when out of the corner of my eye I spot this red truck coming up to where I'm parked. A beat to shit red truck with a blue door, bondo'd up bed, and it's louder than farting into a megaphone in a cave.
That was warning number 1 of "this is going to f**king suck."
She gets out and we chitchat for a short bit and she says she has to stop by her dads place to check up on him since he was in a motorcycle accident or whatever. She doesn't "trust" other drivers, so I got to ride along in her truck, OH BOY! I get in and shut the door. "Push on it to make sure it's closed." "" and sure enough it didn't. You have to summon the power of Hercules to shut the f**king doors in this thing. All the while the only thing going through my head at that point was "I'm going to die." As we're going to her pops crib we chitchat a bit more. I noticed a few things about her. One was that she swears like a trucker. I know I swear, but every other word out of this girls mouth was a swear. She had a bad temper and quite the bit of road rage. Someone honked their horn and it was "WHAT THE f**k SHUT THE f**k UP. GOD d**n WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE f**kING PEOPLE." Woah there chief. She also smoked like crazy, and talked about getting drunk all the time. She told me stories about how her girlfriends just do whatever they want, you know, dancing on tables at the clubs, making out with each other, whatever you know! What a great first impression she's making. We get to her dads place and he isn't there. Cue more swearing. We go to the church they belong to (I guess??) and he's there. Cue more swearing. At the church. "God d**nit where have you bee---well I guess I shouldn't say god d**n at church, GOD d**nIT I f**kING SAI" you get the picture. Then we stop to get gas and she has twenty-two dollars, but she needs the twenty dollars for the club tomorrow! Cue more swearing. So I tell her whatever, throw ten bux on my card into her heap, because honestly I wanted that night to end as quickly as possible.
That was warning sign number 2 or "this is really going to suck."
So now we finally head to Durham to grab a bite to eat. I already ate quite a dinner so I wasn't even hungry, but whatever I didn't want to be an asshole to her since I'm not that kind of person. We get there and order up some food. You all can take 1 guess at what I ordered.
I didn't even eat them all since I really didn't even want to eat them since I was supposed to be eating my peanuts and raisins and milk at the time. Whatever, I ate half of them. She starts chatting up about her truck and how she "races" it. whut.
Oh yeah, none of her friends want to drive her truck since it's a race truck and it's hard to drive and it'll stall out if they drive it wrong. It's an automatic btw. One time, she got her truck up to 200mph SWEAR TO GOD. Did I mention it's a 1979 Chevy Scottsdale that rattled like rocks in a tin can? Oh right, and her turn signals don't work. And the heater stays on 100% of the time. And the passenger side window you couldn't roll down because the crank to roll it down is missing. So not only was the heat blasting on the hot summer eve, I was sweating my f**king balls off because I couldn't put the window down. Then there is here dads 1969 Corvette he rebuilt that NO LIE, GOES 300MPH. HE TOOK IT THERE ONCE. Me being the nice guy and didn't want to come off as an asshole just agreed and said "woah that’s pretty crazy!" But in my mind I was saying, "can there please be some sort of drive-by shooting so a stray bullet will come smashing through my skull to end this?" The bill came and of course I was going to be the gentleman and pay, but out came the "I really want to help pay the bill, but I only have the $20 dollar bill that I need for the club tomorrow. " crap again. Whatever, I don't care. "I wish I had an extra $20 dollars to throw around like you do." whaaa?? So I ask her what she does for a living, and apparently she works two jobs. One she is a manager at some lumberyard who works the cash register, and the other is her dads landscaping business she now owns 50% of. Their landscaping equipment consisted of one beat up lawnmower from 1950, and a truck from 1950 to haul the mower around in.
So that was warning sign 3 which basically was when I was like "ok you know what, f**k this." I just wanted to go home because quite frankly I was sick of her. Ok sure she had big titties, but that didn't even matter to me, I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge
So on the ride back where my car was parked she was trying not to make any left turns, because her left turn signal didn't work. Then it came out. Boy howdy, it came out.
"You want to go back to my place?" she asked me. I think I shit my pants a little because I tensed up so much 'cause I really wasn't planning on that question being asked. I didn't have any excuse to say no, so I said the first thing that came to mind hahaha. I told her "not tonight, I have a lot of laundry I have to do at home. I have no cloths for work tomorrow."
Now, in all honesty it was 100% true. Obviously it didn't sit well with her, but at the time I really didn't care because the entire night was like eating my own barf. So she got on the defensive of "oh that’s the best excuse you can come up with? pfft, I've been blown off and dumped for worse." Oh Christ, now she's going to tell everyone I'm an asshole. So I had to explain to her it was 100% true, and that I just met her two hours ago and I don't know her in the least bit, so it would be a very awkward situation. The rest of the ride was kind of quiet. I didn't care.
Finally we get back to where my car is; we say our good-byes, hug, etc. When I got home I did indeed do my laundry and tried to put what happened behind me. In the end the only thing I can say is:
I hate my friends, and blind dates are stupid.
OK here is the link:
forum.connecticutsubarucrew.com/showthread.php?t=1784
Here Ya Go:
... and every moment of it I was praying for my own death. She was a friend of a friend of a friend or something ridiculous, and I found out about the situation about 4 hours prior to meeting her. That fact alone should have set off alarm bells, but like the good sport I try to be I went through with it.
Anyway, the initial phone call. She sounded kind of manly but seemed to have a sense of humor. That's good, because as you all know all I really do is joke around haha. She tells me to just keep an eye out for a red truck, that'll be her. Ok fine. So I'm sitting in the parking lot playing Tetris on my phone entertaining myself like a little kid, when out of the corner of my eye I spot this red truck coming up to where I'm parked. A beat to shit red truck with a blue door, bondo'd up bed, and it's louder than farting into a megaphone in a cave.
That was warning number 1 of "this is going to f**king suck."
She gets out and we chitchat for a short bit and she says she has to stop by her dads place to check up on him since he was in a motorcycle accident or whatever. She doesn't "trust" other drivers, so I got to ride along in her truck, OH BOY! I get in and shut the door. "Push on it to make sure it's closed." "" and sure enough it didn't. You have to summon the power of Hercules to shut the f**king doors in this thing. All the while the only thing going through my head at that point was "I'm going to die." As we're going to her pops crib we chitchat a bit more. I noticed a few things about her. One was that she swears like a trucker. I know I swear, but every other word out of this girls mouth was a swear. She had a bad temper and quite the bit of road rage. Someone honked their horn and it was "WHAT THE f**k SHUT THE f**k UP. GOD d**n WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE f**kING PEOPLE." Woah there chief. She also smoked like crazy, and talked about getting drunk all the time. She told me stories about how her girlfriends just do whatever they want, you know, dancing on tables at the clubs, making out with each other, whatever you know! What a great first impression she's making. We get to her dads place and he isn't there. Cue more swearing. We go to the church they belong to (I guess??) and he's there. Cue more swearing. At the church. "God d**nit where have you bee---well I guess I shouldn't say god d**n at church, GOD d**nIT I f**kING SAI" you get the picture. Then we stop to get gas and she has twenty-two dollars, but she needs the twenty dollars for the club tomorrow! Cue more swearing. So I tell her whatever, throw ten bux on my card into her heap, because honestly I wanted that night to end as quickly as possible.
That was warning sign number 2 or "this is really going to suck."
So now we finally head to Durham to grab a bite to eat. I already ate quite a dinner so I wasn't even hungry, but whatever I didn't want to be an asshole to her since I'm not that kind of person. We get there and order up some food. You all can take 1 guess at what I ordered.
I didn't even eat them all since I really didn't even want to eat them since I was supposed to be eating my peanuts and raisins and milk at the time. Whatever, I ate half of them. She starts chatting up about her truck and how she "races" it. whut.
Oh yeah, none of her friends want to drive her truck since it's a race truck and it's hard to drive and it'll stall out if they drive it wrong. It's an automatic btw. One time, she got her truck up to 200mph SWEAR TO GOD. Did I mention it's a 1979 Chevy Scottsdale that rattled like rocks in a tin can? Oh right, and her turn signals don't work. And the heater stays on 100% of the time. And the passenger side window you couldn't roll down because the crank to roll it down is missing. So not only was the heat blasting on the hot summer eve, I was sweating my f**king balls off because I couldn't put the window down. Then there is here dads 1969 Corvette he rebuilt that NO LIE, GOES 300MPH. HE TOOK IT THERE ONCE. Me being the nice guy and didn't want to come off as an asshole just agreed and said "woah that’s pretty crazy!" But in my mind I was saying, "can there please be some sort of drive-by shooting so a stray bullet will come smashing through my skull to end this?" The bill came and of course I was going to be the gentleman and pay, but out came the "I really want to help pay the bill, but I only have the $20 dollar bill that I need for the club tomorrow. " crap again. Whatever, I don't care. "I wish I had an extra $20 dollars to throw around like you do." whaaa?? So I ask her what she does for a living, and apparently she works two jobs. One she is a manager at some lumberyard who works the cash register, and the other is her dads landscaping business she now owns 50% of. Their landscaping equipment consisted of one beat up lawnmower from 1950, and a truck from 1950 to haul the mower around in.
So that was warning sign 3 which basically was when I was like "ok you know what, f**k this." I just wanted to go home because quite frankly I was sick of her. Ok sure she had big titties, but that didn't even matter to me, I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge
So on the ride back where my car was parked she was trying not to make any left turns, because her left turn signal didn't work. Then it came out. Boy howdy, it came out.
"You want to go back to my place?" she asked me. I think I shit my pants a little because I tensed up so much 'cause I really wasn't planning on that question being asked. I didn't have any excuse to say no, so I said the first thing that came to mind hahaha. I told her "not tonight, I have a lot of laundry I have to do at home. I have no cloths for work tomorrow."
Now, in all honesty it was 100% true. Obviously it didn't sit well with her, but at the time I really didn't care because the entire night was like eating my own barf. So she got on the defensive of "oh that’s the best excuse you can come up with? pfft, I've been blown off and dumped for worse." Oh Christ, now she's going to tell everyone I'm an asshole. So I had to explain to her it was 100% true, and that I just met her two hours ago and I don't know her in the least bit, so it would be a very awkward situation. The rest of the ride was kind of quiet. I didn't care.
Finally we get back to where my car is; we say our good-byes, hug, etc. When I got home I did indeed do my laundry and tried to put what happened behind me. In the end the only thing I can say is:
I hate my friends, and blind dates are stupid.
OK here is the link:
forum.connecticutsubarucrew.com/showthread.php?t=1784
? 
;D
its bad being at work when people walk past your cube and your laughing and grinning at your screen like a boob....
